There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
