I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
