Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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