My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
