she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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