Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
