Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
