I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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