it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
