somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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