Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
