I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
