The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
