She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
