Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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