your thong is hanging out like whoa
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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