Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
