The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
