I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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