I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
