I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
