If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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