You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you still have your period?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
