Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
