do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
