so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
