theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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