Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
