I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
