why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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