so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
