i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
