i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
