Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
