i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
