Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
