Christians are straight up FREAKS
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
