toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
