Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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