He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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