Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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