Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
