She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
