It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
