I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
