my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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