thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
