She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
