I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
