Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
