Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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