Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
