Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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