And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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