babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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