Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
