girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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