worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
