The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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