nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
