I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
