we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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